Colorado needs more foster homes, but LGBTQ+ foster parents say the system can feel exclusive
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COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Riley and Matt Skelton are a same-sex couple that fostered, then adopted two children: their daughter Erica in 2020, who identifies as biromantic, asexual and gender-diverse, and son Eli in 2022. The adoptions happened at a time when the need for LGBTQ+-affirming homes in Colorado’s foster care system was growing.
“We wanted to focus on any kids who identify as part of our humanity, it doesn't matter what spectrum they land on,” said Riley Skelton.
While the Skeltons were able to find an LGBTQ+-affirming agency to help get them licensed, they said they still faced societal stigma when becoming parents.
“It’s not only our own perception of how to become parents, but other people, and what they're going to think,” he said. “When we have a young child that is the same sex as us, for some odd reason, their mind automatically goes to a grooming type of situation.”
Although difficult to track, it's estimated that about 30% of foster youth nationally identify as LGBTQ+, according to Youth.gov.
According to the Movement Advancement project, Colorado is recognized as one of the most inclusive states when it comes to laws protecting LGBTQ+ youth and foster parents from discrimination by foster agencies and officials.
Earlier this year, Colorado's Department of Human Services as well as four county agencies were recognized by Human Rights Campaign for their efforts in LGBTQ+ inclusion within the foster care system.
Accordingly, efforts to provide identity-affirming homes have ramped-up the last three years, with two new bills aimed at protecting the rights of LGBTQ+ foster parents and children.
Despite these progressive laws, increasing LGBTQ+-positive foster placements still requires potential foster parents to navigate societal stigmas and even confusion about whether they're eligible to participate.
In April of 2021, Governor Polis signed the “equal access for all” bill, making it illegal for any state-funded foster and adoption agency to discriminate against LGBTQ+ parents. The bill came in response to laws in other states, such as South Dakota’s statute solidifying an adoption agency’s right to exclude LGBTQ+ people from fostering and adopting.
“I was coming off of these feel good, big bipartisan wins for foster kids,” said bill sponsor Rep. Meg Froelich, an Englewood democrat. “Then I come to do this bill, and because it deals with LGBTQ youth, I couldn't get a single Republican vote.”
“Equal access for all” passed a final vote in the state Senate 20-15, largely along party lines, with the Democrats in favor.
Three years later, in April of 2024, Polis signed the “foster care bill of rights” into law, which requires foster parents to adhere to the identity of the child in their care, including gender and orientation.
The bill went into effect August 7 of 2024.
According to Erie Democrat Rep. Jennifer Parenti, a sponsor of the bill, the “foster care bill of rights” was brought forward by former foster youth who experienced discrimination.
“They wanted to make things better for the people coming through the system behind them,” she said.
Currently, tracking the success of these bills is challenging, as both foster parents and foster children are not required to share how they identify in intake forms. But according to the Colorado Department of Human Services, the system is in the process of adding more options for self-identification to better account for the number of LGBTQ+-identifying foster parents and children.
About 1 in 4 non-county licensing and placement organizations are religion-based. While it is illegal for agencies to discriminate based on differences in belief, the religious organizations’ roles in the foster system gave the Skeltons pause.
“For years I really struggled mentally, not being able to understand who I was, and coming to a level of self-acceptance after being taught for so many years that [being gay] was a ‘fire and brimstone’ type of situation,” said Riley Skelton.
According to Ross Wright, executive director of faith-based placement agency Hope and Home, the Skelton’s fears of being discriminated against by religious establishments are understandable.
“I've had conversations with organizations that are very open, and also people who bluntly told me that their goal is to meet the letter of the law in terms of non-discrimination, but behind-the-scenes they're going to do everything they can to discriminate,” said Wright, "I've point blank asked them if that’s what Jesus would do. I think it's horrific, someone giving lip service to nondiscrimination."
In four months of reporting on implementation of LGBTQ+ policies within the foster care system, RMPBS did not find any instances of discrimination from faith-based agencies.
“I would not say that we ran afoul of the religious based foster and adoption agencies in Colorado,” said Froelich. “I think we've made great progress, and we don't have the same problems which they do have in the Dakotas and in lots of other states.”
LGBTQ+ foster families can also face hurdles when deciding whether to “come out” to biological parents who might not be affirming, especially considering many LGBTQ+ kids and teens end up in the system due to a parent’s discrimination.
“It is a national problem where LGBTQ children are disproportionately in foster care, oftentimes because of abuse specific to their identities,” said KP Long, the learning and development coordinator for Adams County.
According to Jared Prochnow, who with his partner has fostered about 80 kids and teens, sharing an LGBTQ+ identity with biological parents can become a safety risk
He said that at one point, a caseworker had to take over driving the foster children to visits with their biological father due to homophobic threats he had made toward Prochnow and his partner.
“As a foster parent, my information should be protected from birth parents because, ultimately, there's some scary people out there. That's something that needs to be discussed. I don't need the birth parents knowing that I am part of a queer couple,” he said.
Foster parent and social worker Heather Crate, however, said that when their foster child’s biological parents were not informed right away that Crate was part of a queer couple, once they met the bio parents, Crate was “forced to watch them process their homophobia right in front of me.”
Potential LGBTQ+ foster parents might not even know fostering is an option in the first place, according to Prochnow, Crate and Skelton, because of a lack of representation both in their communities and in agency marketing materials.
While the Skeltons weren’t aware of any other LGBTQ+ foster families in Colorado Springs, they found their placement agency, Kids Crossing, in 2019 thanks to the agency’s open affirmation of LGBTQ+ identities.
Currently, the agency is one of two participating in a pilot program with the state centering recruitment efforts for LGBTQ+ foster parents. Director of recruitment Sarah Bailey said so far, the efforts have paid off and they have seen an uptick in LGBTQ+ parents.
Matthew and Riley Skelton, who adopted Erica, now 14 and later Eli, now 15, after fostering them, said that, despite the obstacles, providing an affirming home for their children has been worth it.
“The eyes say a lot. When Erica first came to us, their eyes were hollow. They were just a shell,” Riley Skelton said.
“When you compare a picture of that first day that she was placed with us to a picture today, there's brightness, there's light, there's hope for a better future.”
